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The Two-Tunnel Trap

By Larry Wilson, Author of Play to Win, Excerpt from the book, Cracking the Business Code

Leaders need to be great communicators to grab and keep the attention of their followers. No easy task since the natural result of communication is misunderstanding. Odds are you misunderstood what I just said, so again: “The natural result of communication is misunderstanding.”

construction signHere’s a story to support this point:

A wise engineer had the task of digging a tunnel through a mountain. As his workers were unskilled at the task, he brought them together to explain. “See that mountain over there? Well, you’re going to dig a tunnel through it. Half of you will start digging the tunnel from the east side. The other half will start digging from the west side. When you meet in the middle, you’ve dug a tunnel. Now, if you don’t meet in the middle, you’ve dug two tunnels.”

The fact is that most communication ends up being separate tunnels. This has brought many a leader to their knees, especially when the stakes are high.

I’m saying this to remind you how important, and yet difficult, it is to have one-tunnel conversations. So how is it done? Start by agreeing on a mutual definition. In our case, we need to define the word “communication.” We’ll define it as: A sense of mutual understanding.

How do we get others to understand us? Here’s a three-word solution to the two-tunnel trap: Simple, familiar and dramatic. Use simple words, familiar examples, and wrap up your point by telling a relevant dramatic story.

Digging Deeper

Let’s dig a little deeper into our tunnel of understanding – or mis-understanding.digging

  1. Simple. Use words that everyone understands. Forget the million-dollar words you used to impress your English teacher.
  2. Familiar. Use words that your audience uses on a regular basis. No insider jargon – that just confuses things and ends up excluding people rather than including them.
  3. Dramatic. Tell a brief story or example that parallels the situation you’re trying to communicate. This will help your audience bring the information together into a whole picture, rather than just the parts.

Here’s a non-example of this simple formula. To set the context, you are a new army recruit whose drill instructor (leader) is introducing you to a new safety device. Let’s listen in:

“All right you people, today is the day we introduce the new Regulation Missile Whistle, Model M-1. This is a self-repeating, lung-operated, air-cooled general personnel model issued to all relevant ranks. The whistle is divided into two component parts. These are the Whistle Cylinder Blowing Assembly and the Whistle Retaining Chain Assembly Mechanism. At the Blowing Aperture, there are two raised sections. You people in the back had better stand up so you can see this. The opening from the blowing end into the main cylinder is called the Compression Blow Channel. The other remaining component part of the whistle is known as the Chamber Operating Assembly Complex. This consists of the Opening Sound Admission Slot, the Cylinder Butt Lock onto which the Whistle Retaining Chain Assembly Part is attached, and the Cylinder Reverberating Operating Cork Pellet Device.”

Whew! How many tunnels do you think were dug in that mountain?!

whistleLet’s look at what happens if we apply our ‘simple, familiar and dramatic’ formula to this scenario? The DI/leader might sound something like this:

“OK folks, this here is a whistle. When you blow into it, it makes a very loud noise. If you ever find yourself pinned down in a foxhole, bullets whizzing over your head in every direction, take out this little jewel and blow like hell. We’ll come and get you out.”

Now that’s a message anyone could understand. Simple, familiar words put together in a dramatic sequence that keeps everyone digging the same tunnel.

Say what?

Here’s a learning process that can help you keep getting better at making sure everyone is digging one tunnel: “What did I plan to say, what did I say, and what will I say next time in the same situation?” Getting better on purpose is what makes a good leader into a great leader – and a primary reason why others want to follow.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2016 

Larry Wilson was an internationally recognized pioneer in change management, leadership development and strategic thinking, and is the co-author of The One-Minute Sales Person and Play to Win. He founded two companies, Wilson Learning Corp. and Pecos River Learning. Larry worked with companies to help them “create the organization that, if it existed, would put them out of business.” Larry passed on in 2009 and will be greatly missed, yet cherished through his books and articles for years to come. One of the things that Larry used to say was “Love your customers so much that they want to refer business to you since who can resist love?”

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

To order the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code” please go to www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

We recently launched a new service called Sino-Am Leadership to help executives excel when stationed outside their home country. American managers in Asia and Asian managers in America face considerable business, personal, and leadership challenges because of the cultural differences. This unique program provides personal, one-on-one coaching. For more information visit, https://lighthouseconsulting.com/performance-management/talent-development/sino-american-management-style/.

Honoring Mistakes

By Larry Wilson, Author of Play to Win, Excerpt from the book, Cracking the Business Code

How do people’s mistakes play out in the world of work, and what has this to do with leadership? A number of years ago I found myself following the speech of the then CEO of AT&T. His speech to his top 500 leaders focused on a single message, “Do it right the first time.”

men going up and down stairsHis forceful words never allowed for any exceptions to his mantra that “Do it right the first time” perfection was the only outcome any leader should expect; from themselves or from the folks they were leading.

As he left the podium (having received nothing close to a standing ovation or even a slightly warm crowd response), it was then my turn to face this confused, unenthusiastic and potentially hostile audience.

So, I took a risk. First, I acknowledged the CEO’s passion for wanting people to perform at their best, and then tried to do my best to reduce the communication confusion by saying, “Of course, he meant after you’ve learned to do something perfectly, then for certain continue to do it perfectly every time. It goes without saying no one can do anything perfectly the first time they try something they’ve never done before.”

It may have only been a coincidence that I was never asked to speak again at AT&T, or you might say that I had made a big mistake by trying to “clear up” the CEO’s message.

But this is not about me. I know about the many mistakes I’ve made. Our subject is about valuing, actually honoring, mistakes as the best and fastest way for anyone to learn anything. This message is particularly essential to those in a leader role.

The fact is everyone is in a leadership role, minimally, as each of us has the role and responsibility of leading our lives to achieve the best life that is possible. How well we’re able to lead our life is surely the best predictor of how effective we’ll be in leading others to do the same.

Here’s the gist of this honoring mistakes subject: People who lead the best possible lives are those people who have made the most and varied types of mistakes, and learned fastest from those mistakes.

I co-authored a book with my oldest son, Hersch entitled, Play to Win, Choosing Growth Over Fear in Work and in Life. We defined the opportunity to choose between two opposite responses to the things life brings to us. One primary response we call Play to Win. The other, and most opposite, we call Playing Not to Lose.

We defined Play to Win as: Going as far as I can with all that I’ve got, and learning from whatever happens. This response is saying, “I’m seeking a life of growth, adventure, joy, and to make a difference in my world. I’m willing to step out and take reasonable risks to lead my greatest life.”

We define Playing Not to Lose as: Avoiding anything or anyone that might in any way hurt, embarrass, or make us uncomfortable. This response is saying, “I’m staying in my comfort zone by avoiding the risks of being wrong, rejected, failing, or being emotionally upset. I’m seeking a secure life of basic survival, comfort, and relief. I don’t make many mistakes butman planting flag at least I’m safe.”

Which of these opposite attitudes has the best chance of someone leading their best life, meaning a life with more successes and more fulfillments? Which attitude would make the best leader others would be more willing to follow? Which attitude would make the best followers for any leader?

The answers to those questions are clearly obvious – if – we’re willing to be obviously objective.

And if it’s all this obvious, you may be asking what stops leaders from willingly choosing growth over fear by Playing to Win? Glad you asked!

The answer is in the question; they have already chosen fear over growth.

And what is it that’s their greatest fear? More often than not, they’re more fearful of what it is they have to lose, rather than what it is they have to win. The fact is this is a choice most of us learned, and have forgotten, while being conditioned to avoid risks in our early childhood, a process sometimes called “no, no” training.

So this brings us to the core of today’s subject. It’s the fear of making mistakes, and the high cost of not making them.

The fact is that businesses can no longer afford the high cost of people doing only what their told to do. We firmly believe that people who are only doing their job are not doing their job. In today’s changing world, it is everyone’s job to continuously improve their job, (think Toyota), starting with leaders, because leaders go first. This is leadership.

The first change that leaders have to make is a “mindset change” from commanding people to “do what your told” to asking people to “do what’s right.” The old control and command fear based system of leadership has to be replaced by a new trust-based “Developmental Leader” system. A Developmental Leader passionately believes that people are the organization’s competitive advantage and ultimate differentiation.

Therefore, this new leadership style is asking their people to bring all of their unique talents, creativity, commitment, and potential to their work. Let’s use an example. Developmental leaders understand that the people closest to their job have the best opportunity to improve their job. This is where making mistakes comes into play.

In this scenario of asking people to improve their job, we’re asking people to do, or try to do, something that they haven’t done before. Yet we can’t expect them to “do it right the first time”. Here is a fact of life. The only thing anyone can do right the first time is to make a mistake! Yet, as a conditioned fallible human being, we fear making a mistake because it’s a “no, no” and has almost always had a real or perceived negative consequence.

bizpeople on ladder bldgsIt’s the leader’s job to change that thinking so they can support their followers to do the same. Try this for size. The best way to validate the necessity of making mistakes is to celebrate those mistakes. Go back to the Play to Win attitude and remember the part that said, “I’m willing to step out and take reasonable risks to lead my greatest life”.

As a leader that goes first, take the reasonable risk of sharing your mistakes, and what you learned from them, in a way that teaches others that learning something new or different requires a number of “takes” before you get it right.

As a leader, create a positive culture that sends a message that you as a leader trust them, and that you trust each of them to bring their best self to the party of life every day. Remind them that we’re all fallible human beings that will always make mistakes. Yet we can all be winners if we learn from those mistakes and especially if we’re courageous enough to share with each other what we’ve learned.

As a leader in a changing world, let your mantra be heard: Fail fast, learn fast, and grow fast.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2015 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Larry Wilson was an internationally recognized pioneer in change management, leadership development and strategic thinking, and is the co-author of The One-Minute Sales Person and Play to Win. He founded two companies, Wilson Learning Corp. and Pecos River Learning. Larry worked with companies to help them “create the organization that, if it existed, would put them out of business.” Larry passed on in 2009 and will be greatly missed, yet cherished through his books and articles for years to come. One of the things that Larry used to say was “Love your customers so much that they want to refer business to you since who can resist love?”

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

To order the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code” please go to www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

We recently launched a new service called Sino-Am Leadership to help executives excel when stationed outside their home country. American managers in Asia and Asian managers in America face considerable business, personal, and leadership challenges because of the cultural differences. This unique program provides personal, one-on-one coaching. For more information visit, https://lighthouseconsulting.com/performance-management/talent-development/sino-american-management-style/.

Deeply Prepared People Create Their Own Weather

By Larry Wilson & Hersch Wilson, Authors of Play to Win

A few years ago, I went on a four-day adventure in the High Country wilderness of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains north of Santa Fe. We were divided into essentially two types of people. There were the “outdoor” enthusiasts who exulted in being in the mountains, and then there were the rest of us—grumpy city dwellers. As soon as we hit the trail and began moving up into forest, the city dwellers were hit by the realization that it was going to be uncomfortable—cold, rainy, and Mountains & birdswild. In front of us were the Truchas peaks, which we intended to climb. It had sounded like a great idea a month ago, but now they were shrouded in clouds and the rumble of thunder. They looked foreboding and unapproachable. We asked ourselves, “Why are we doing this? It’s going to be uncomfortable and even dangerous—why don’t we just turn back now and admit defeat?”

But encouraged and kept in good spirits by the outdoor folks, up we marched, farther and farther from the comforts of home. We arrived at our camp—a meadow under the sheer pitches of the Truchas Mountains. It was stunning…but our “home” was four makeshift tarps.

We soon discovered that in the mountains the weather rules and it is completely unpredictable. In our four days, it rained, snowed, hailed, we had winds that blew out the tarps . . . and we had a couple hours of sun.

Beyond the unpredictability of the weather—now it was sunny, boom, then it was hailing—were the reactions of the people. The city folks, myself included, got mad and complained loudly and bitterly about the event of the weather—the damp, the cold, and the “Oh, my God, it’s snowing!”  We had expected sunny weather, darn it! And we were mad that it wasn’t happening! We eventually found a bottle of tequila and retired to the driest tarp to commiserate.

The outdoors folks were quite different. When it rained, they put on ponchos; when it got cold and snowed, they put on more layers. When the sun came out, they stripped down to T-shirts and shorts and enjoyed the warmth on their bodies. The difference was that they were prepared, by training and experience, for anything.

What hit me was this: There is no such thing as bad weather, just unprepared people. The weather just happens; it is neither bad nor good, cruel nor pleasant; it just is. We interpret it as bad or good because of how it affects us, but in reality, weather is just weather. All we can really do is be prepared.

On our little wilderness adventure, the prepared people handled the weather with much more calm and creativity than the rest of us did. They were ready for almost anything. They didn’t remain upset when all of a sudden the tarps blew over; they solved the problem and got on with it. It was all an adventure to them. What would they learn this time? How far would their limits be pushed? What would they see? What would they experience?

And that is the clue. In the adventure of our lives, good things happen, bad things happen, and—boom—terrible things happen. In our lives we will each face choices that will pinetreesdetermine who we will become. We will all face the crises of living: pain, loss, death. The individuals with the best probability of responding with courage and creativity are those who are best prepared emotionally and spiritually. Prepared people can handle all kinds of weather; deeply prepared people see the weather as a challenge and as an opportunity to grow.

With work and thinking, we too can become deeply prepared for the rest of our lives. We can become so thoroughly prepared that we begin to positively influence what happens to us; we begin to create our own weather.

Think about it. Once we understand that we are here for a reason—that we are spiritual beings on a human path—then we can start making choices that lead us deeper and deeper into our true selves. We strike out on our own, we make those courageous choices that lead us in directions that we would never before have taken had we settled for just playing not to lose all our lives. As a result, we create our own weather.

When we understand that there is much less to avoid, much less to fear, when we see life as an opportunity to grow, we attempt more, we face more challenges, and we grow. As a result, we get emotionally and spiritually stronger and more like those experienced outdoors folks: prepared for almost anything, exulting in our lives, and creating our own weather.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Larry Wilson was an internationally recognized pioneer in change management, leadership development and strategic thinking, and is the co-author of The One-Minute Sales Person and Play to Win. He founded two companies, Wilson Learning Corp. and Pecos River Learning. Larry worked with companies to help them “create the organization that, if it existed, would put them out of business.” Larry passed on in 2009 and will be greatly missed, yet cherished through his books and articles for years to come. One of the things that Larry used to say was “Love your customers so much that they want to refer business to you since who can resist love?”

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

To order the books, Cracking the Personality Code and Cracking the Business Code, please go to www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

The ‘Feminine’ Side to Leadership

By Larry Wilson, Author of Play to Win

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]A[/dropcaps]t one time I shared the stage with author Ashley Montague, a cultural anthropologist. His best-known book is The Natural Superiority of Women. Basically, Montague believes that women are superior to men in the area of emotional intelligence. He explains that, once women realized they were not physically superior to men, getting things done out of raw physical power was not a viable option. Women had to figure out different ways of existing, so they learned to be more adaptable, versatile, resourceful and empathic. These characteristics are so common among women that they’re often referred to as “feminine traits.”

woman telescopeAn example is “women’s intuition.” Men have intuition, but don’t tend to credit their intuition in making decisions. Yet women are happy to acknowledge they made a decision solely based on how they “felt” about it.

Another example is a woman’s right to change her mind. You could say that women often see more options than men. In our culture, it’s more acceptable for women to wear their emotions on their sleeve and talk about their feelings than it is for men – because, of course, real men don’t cry. Instead, they get more ulcers, but that’s a small price to pay for being a real man.

We also know that on average, women live seven years longer then men. There’s no physiological reason to explain why, but there is evidence women live longer because they are allowed to be more emotionally expressive.

Montague may be saying that as women were developing these skills primarily to survive, they were unknowingly developing skills in the art of influencing others that all leaders need, especially so in our changing times.

Now, if some of you “non-females” are saying, “Look, I’ve been doing just fine with my manly traits and don’t need to work on my feminine side,” then you might be missing out on a huge opportunity. I’m not talking about working on your feminine side. The fact is these aren’t really feminine characteristics; these are skills that, as a species, we all have to learn in order to survive. We just have to wake up and remember to use them.

So let’s drop the male/female labels and only talk about critical skills leaders must learn:

• Adaptability. Stubbornly sticking to what worked in the past is the opposite. This is driving into the future looking only in the rearview mirror. Another flawed leader response when things start going south is, “We’ve got to get back to the basics.” The flaw here is that you can never go back to anything. What you can do is prepare for the accelerating change that’s coming right at you by adapting to change rather than running from it.
• Versatility. Yes have a plan, but don’t let the plan have you. The dictionary defines versatile as “able to move easily from one subject, task, or skill to another.” Leaders know that, in theory, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Yet in practice, a straight line seldom exists. Often leaders have to take a detour, go with the flow, ride the horse in the direction the horse wants to go, or tap dance their way to the goal line and move easily while doing it.people climbing mountain flag
• Resourcefulness. True leaders know their best resource is in the hearts and minds of the people they’re leading. There’s nothing worse than a leader pretending to have all the answers. It creates a distrust that leads to a heart and mind shut-down – the greatest waste possible.
• Empathy. Leaders must gain trust before anyone will follow them. The fastest way to get there is to put yourself in their shoes, to understand and love them, and then invite them into your shoes to get to know and love you.

Whether you’re a male leader or a female leader, these are key traits of a true leader.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014

Larry Wilson was an internationally recognized pioneer in change management, leadership development and strategic thinking, and is the co-author of The One-Minute Sales Person and Play to Win. He founded two companies, Wilson Learning Corp. and Pecos River Learning. Larry worked with companies to help them “create the organization that, if it existed, would put them out of business.” Larry passed on in 2009 and will be greatly missed, yet cherished through his books and articles for years to come. One of the things that Larry used to say was “Love your customers so much that they want to refer business to you since who can resist love?”

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

To order our books, Cracking the Personality Code and Cracking the Business Code please go to www.lighthouseconsulting.com.