Posts

WAKE UP!

By Daniel & Ellen Borowka, MA & Nancy Croix

Waking up can be more than just opening your eyes in the morning. It’s setting a tone, finding a theme to center on for the day. At another level, it is becoming more aware of what we need to learn to grow and mature in this brand new day. What we want to be more alert to or recognize in our clock2lives to work on. There are various definitions of “wake” or “awake”. One is to be or remain awake – to keep watch. Another is to rouse from or as if from sleep – to arouse conscious interest. Some synonyms are to stir, kindle, challenge, inspire, ignite and provoke. That’s something thought provoking for this topic! First, we will explore ideas of how to set a tone for one’s day. Then we will look at how to become more aware of ways to inspire, challenge and ignite our growth process.

What’s guiding you?

Daily routines are an important part of our lives. When you wake up to start your day, are you allowing yourself to be guided by the events of the day or are you taking the time to mentally prepare for the day? The first option is leaving everything up to chance. The second option is to take responsibility and make choices for your well-being. A great way to start the day is to think of a quality, which you would like to express during the day. Taking the time to mentally prepare for the day can make a tremendous difference in the day’s events that happen, expectedly and unexpectedly.

Word for the day

This can actually turn your daily routine into an insightful way to wake up. As soon as I wake up, I focus on my word for the day. Once I have the word, I think about what it means to me. I write it down in my journal with the date and then share my word with my family, friends and co-workers. People will come up to me first thing in the morning and ask me what my word is for the day. I like to share my experiences associated with my word throughout the day with people. At the end of the day, I write about my experiences and what I’ve learned. When I find myself feeling sad, afraid or angry, I stop and think about my word to refocus my thinking so I can keep on track and have a healthy outlook on life. I have found that through this process, I learn more about different qualities so it becomes easier when I’m confronted with a problem or crisis. Then I can draw upon these qualities for insight and comfort.

What am I to awaken to?

I also constantly look at things I want to change, improve or resolve in my life. It can be hard to be fully honest with one’s self, as it means uncovering or adjusting how we catching a starrespond to others, handle things or what we truly stand for in our lives. One thing that is helpful to become more awake is to first look at our priorities.

Our priorities in life

Recently, we have been exploring our priorities. Some main areas could be our relationships with others, professional, intellectual and spiritual challenges, and our emotional and physical health. We can ask some questions to determine those priorities. What and who is important to us? Are we taking the time for what is crucial to us? Do we say that certain people or beliefs or activities are important to us then put something else first? Do we pattern our goals, objectives, our lives around these priorities?

Who do we hang around?

A friend once pointed out that who we hang out with reflects where we are psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. There’s a great quote, “Our attitudes toward others and toward ourselves, far from being contradictory, run parallel. How we feel about ourselves is how we feel toward others.” So, who do we spend time with? Are they supportive to us or do they drain energy? Do they inspire us to grow or cause pain and sorrow? Yet, before just cutting someone out of our lives, it’s vital to look at why we have them in the first place. What attracted them into our lives? Do we have someone who is struggling, so we can be the Savior, the one in control or so we can feel better about ourselves? Do we have people who control our lives so we don’t have to take responsibility for when things go awry? Do we seek out people to demean and devalue us to fulfill our feelings of worthlessness or low self esteem? Or do we look to control others so we feel in control and safe? It can be so helpful to look at who and why we have those around us.

Ask questions

Becoming more awake, involves challenging ourselves and what we do. Monitor and ask yourself questions. Why did I do that? What was my ultimate goal – good and bad? Do I follow through on what I believe in or do I let my fears or issues take over? Look at your motives – what is driving your actions, your words to others? When you can answer those questions honestly and take action to revise what doesn’t work well, then you have made some great progress.

When we know why we choose the people, the activities, our beliefs then we are more awake to where we are and what we truly want. At that point, we can start to let go of what or who doesn’t work; redefine our relationships and what we do; or to appreciate that which is around us. Thank goodness that every day we have the opportunity to wake up anew and to explore and enjoy each day.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

falling starDana Borowka, MA, CEO, Ellen Borowka, MA, Senior Analyst and Nancy Croix, Senior Operations Administrator of Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC (LCS) with their organization constantly remain focused on their mission statement – “To bring effective insight to your organization”.  They do this through the use of in-depth work style assessments to raise the hiring bar so companies select the right people to reduce hiring and management errors.  LCS also has a full service consulting division that provides domestic and international interpersonal coaching, executive onboarding, leadership training, global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training, operational productivity improvement, 360s and employee surveys as well as a variety of workshops. LCS consultants have over 25 plus years of business and human behavioral consulting experience. Dana and Ellen is co-authors of the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code”. To order the books, please visit www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA  90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching.  Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

Boundaries: Finding a Balance of Power

By Dana Borowka, MA, Ellen Borowka, MA and Nancy Croix

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]B[/dropcaps]oundaries have an important place in our relationships, our family, the work place, and all aspects of daily life. When there is confusion over boundaries, we tend to run into many issues that need to be dealt with.scale

What are boundaries?

The dictionary defines boundaries as, “Something that marks or fixes a limit (as of territory)”. In essence, boundaries help us to determine where ‘I’ end and ‘you’ begin. Where are my limits? What are my needs? What are the rules or guidelines for our relationship? Some may resist the idea of guidelines… claiming that they are too rigid or stifling. Leading us to another question, why should we have boundaries?

Lack of boundaries tends to create much uncertainty and misunderstandings that can lead to chaos, anger and pain. Without boundaries, people can feel taken advantage of or invalidated or not heard by the other person. A lack of respect can grow in the relationship, and then feelings of hurt, resentment and anger can develop and fester beneath the surface. Yet, what are we really searching for? Bottom line: a relationship that is NOT based on respect and empathy is a hollow relationship. One that is without substance, depth or true love. I think we search for a place; a relationship to trust that we know will be safe, supportive and lasting. Boundaries ensure that.

What do we need for boundaries?

• Communication – Boundaries that are well communicated can set the tone for a healthy environment where everyone clearly knows where they stand. This enhances honesty, trust, and an atmosphere where issues can be worked through. Guidelines need to be negotiated and clearly communicated so everyone involved knows what is expected of them. What are the requests and concerns? What’s ok and what’s not? It’s also important to define for yourself what is acceptable or not acceptable from others. Is there a relationship or situation that you are tolerating, yet underneath you feel pain, anger, disrespect? Then you may have not defined for yourself where the limits are. What is the cutoff point? If you don’t communicate your boundaries, then you are staying in a situation that is not healthy.

We always have our options open when we communicate what we want or need. A friend told about me about a simple example. She had some friends over for a BBQ. She and another friend had set up the table inside the house. However, others wanted to eat outside. Even though my friend wanted to eat inside, she started to go along with the group until her friend mentioned that she was going to eat inside, as it was too cold outside for her. Her friend then mentioned that everyone else could eat where they would like to. That made my friend realize that just because she puts out what she wants, doesn’t mean that she’s stepping on something that someone else wants. We don’t have to give in or go along – we all have options as long as we communicate.

• Consistency – Being consistent with your boundaries is important too. If you insist on someone being respectful to you in one instance, but not in another, then you lose their respect in the end. Just as discipline for a child needs to be consistent, so too do boundaries. If there is confusion or ambiguity, then the discipline doesn’t stick. The same is true for boundaries. Another essential part of consistency is if we expect others to respect our boundaries, we need to respect theirs as well. As they say, it’s a two way street. A few months ago, we went to an Elton John/Billy Joel concert, which was great fun. Elton sang one of his old favorites, Someone Save My Life Tonight. I realized that someone has to Ask to be saved. Otherwise, we are not being respectful of the other person’s pacing, wants or needs.

• Facing reality – Part of establishing boundaries is facing the reality of your relationships. Boundaries often strengthen and enhance relationships. However, there are relationships that are not healthy and the true colors will be exposed one way or another. There comes a point where we need to be able to face the sacrifice or the potential downside of putting down limits. While in college, I was struggling to deal with family conflict. I went to a college counselor for some advice. I laid everything out that was going on in my family and wanted to be able to just let the conflict and pain roll off my back like water off a duck. He said something very helpful (though I didn’t realize it at the time), “It’s not easy to kick against the pricks and not say “Ouch!” In other words, I wanted to stay in an unhealthy situation and not feel the pain and anger. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to respect our boundaries and understand when to make changes or let go.

• Conflict – Why is it so difficult to talk about boundaries? What are we really afraid of? In a word: Conflict. It is helpful to develop some level of comfort with conflict and disagreement. Some have a need to have others see things their way. Some find it very difficult to disagree with another for fear of hurt feelings or facing their anger. Yet, we all need to be able to find some way to handle conflict. To be able to say, Ok, we don’t agree on this, but this is my boundary… my limit. Let’s find a way to work with this.

• Respect – We need to respect differences and limits. Without respect, is there a relationship? … what foundation is there without respect? A friend once told me that to expect something of someone else in a relationship that they can’t fulfill is not fair to them. I can see that could be true for many expectations, but without respect, there is no relationship and one must move on or accept that as part of an unhealthy relationship.

Putting the puzzle together

We looked at communication, consistency, reality, conflict and respect in connection to boundaries. These are all aspects needed for a relationship, and boundaries keep them from puzzlegetting out of hand. We can also look at them as pieces to a puzzle. When you first start putting a puzzle together, the pieces are upside down, turned over and hidden. This can leave you feeling overwhelmed and not sure where to start. Everybody has different tactics. Some like to start with the frame and then work in small portions. Others start from the center or wherever they feel comfortable. There are many ways to go about solving issues. The key is recognizing the issue, setting guidelines that are realistic and achievable, and working together to bring resolution. Boundaries help us get back on track quicker, so we can appreciate each other, learn from the experience and enjoy life together.

What boundaries would you like to set up… starting today? Now it’s your turn to create a change in your life, if you are ready for it. Or to accept that you have situations that you are comfortable with using your current boundaries. Either way you have created your own destiny. We wish you the best in discovering your boundaries, and hope that you have the courage to change those that you wish to change.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Dana Borowka, MA, CEO, Ellen Borowka, MA, Senior Analyst and Nancy Croix, Senior Operations Administrator of Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC with their organization constantly remain focused on their mission statement – “To bring effective insight to your organization”. They do this through the use of in-depth work style assessments to raise the hiring bar so companies select the right people to reduce hiring and management errors. They also have a full service consulting division that provides domestic and international interpersonal coaching, executive onboarding, leadership training, global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training, operational productivity improvement, 360s and employee surveys as well as a variety of workshops. They have over 25 years of business and human behavioral consulting experience. They are nationally renowned speakers and radio personalities on this topic. They are the authors of the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code”. To order the books, please visit www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.

Appreciation

By Ellen Borowka, Nancy Croix & Steven Zuback

[dropcaps type=”circle” color=”” background=””]A[/dropcaps]ppreciating life and those around us can be difficult. We get focused on the challenges of the day and the days just fly by! Before we know it, a year has passed and then another and another! A while ago, a friend passed away in a plane crash. She was a great sailing buddy and someone that was so sailboatsfull of life. Our friend used to call whenever she was in the area to see if we were available to have lunch or dinner with her. At those times, we would think in the moment that we had so much to do, that to take time away to spend time with our friend would be difficult. Usually, we would find ways to make the time and now we are glad we did. It can be hard to stay focused on the moment and not get distracted by the future or the past. To truly appreciate the people and what we have around us, rather than just plodding through each day. Yet, how do we do that? How do we stay focused on what is really important in life and not get sucked into the little details of the day?

  1. Make priorities and look at where your time is spent. What is truly important to you? Look around and think deeply about what and who really matters to you? Break that down to categories, like spouse or significant other, family, passions or hobbies, and so on. Then look at how you break up your day and give each responsibility or task a percentage of your time. Then look at both lists – does the time spent match up to what you hold as highest priorities? If not, then you may have to findman with piechart ways to make changes to rearrange your time or your life. Another friend of ours has a very busy travel and work schedule, but he makes his family a priority. As such, he makes sure to rearrange or schedule his travel around coaching his children’s soccer games. Is it easy? No, but that is what is really important to him. When making these changes, be sure to be specific on what you plan to change.
  2. Find ways to manage the little things. Sometimes when we need to focus on the important things in life, we need to also take care of the little pesky things. It’s rather like being on a wonderful cruise, but you get distracted from the great views by annoying little bugs! Look back at how your time is spent and think about what you do well that plays to your strengths and what doesn’t. Whereas, we may excel in certain areas, we may struggle with other areas. That can eat up time and cause us to feel frustrated. So, find ways to manage those areas. For example, if you are not good at organization then find systems and/or people that can assist you in that area. Ask for feedback on how to leverage your time, so you don’t get bogged down by things that do not relate to your strengths.
  3. Discover avenues to appreciating life. Using your priority list as a guideline, fit the important things into your daily life. For example, if you love doing things that are creative, then look for ways to express that like setting time aside to do craft projects or gardening. Sometimes, the important things or people in our lives get pushed down on the priority list, but we need to find ways to fit those things in that bring us passion and energy.
  4. Expand your horizon. Along the same line, look for ways to expand your vision. Is there something you always wanted to do, but put off – maybe because you thought you might fail? Perhaps it is time to find a way to do it. You might have to get support or information from others to do what you dream of. I have some friends devote their time regularly to a hunger project and travel to places to help people in poverty to enhance their lives. It is quite inspiring to talk with them about what they do, where they go and who they meet!
  5. Showing your appreciation for others. The simplest things can make us feel really good inside. So, how can we show our appreciation for others and help them to feel good inside? Some ideas could be: holding the door open for another; letting someone into your lane while driving; offering assistance to a co-worker that is overwhelmed with their people with flowerworkload; or baking or making a dish for a neighbor or friend that might need some extra support or just because you are thinking of them. Even complimenting a person on their outfit can make them feel really good inside. If someone is having a bad day, the smallest positive comment can be hugely appreciative. Most of the time, we don’t even realize how much we’ve touched someone when we have helped them or showed some compassion.

Appreciation does not always come easily. It comes from making the choice to appreciate life, others, and ourselves. Just as the old saying goes of the glass being half empty or being half full, so too is the perspective on appreciation. Many times, we need to make a conscious decision to see the positive, to see the opportunity or the good around us. It’s not always the easy decision to make, especially when the circumstances or the people around us are difficult. Yet, from appreciation we find the good in life and without that life can look pretty bleak and hopeless. Where we come from and where we are going springs forth from our perspective on life. So, it becomes very important to look around you and take the time to appreciate the opportunities and challenges that life presents.

Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to reproduce any portion provided in this article. © 2014 This information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.

Steve is President of zubackcrc an international executive and business coaching practice that provides executive and business coaching to CEOs, Presidents, entrepreneurs, business owners, senior executives and executive leadership teams on leadership, executive development, executive effectiveness and succession/career management. Steve effectively coaches CEOs and COOs, CFOs, senior executives, including sales and marketing executives, engineers, legal counsel, and teams on, growth and executive development challenges, role effectiveness, executive development, business/strategic plan development, leadership, succession, M&A, and organizational alignment. Steve’s progressive and diverse experience includes work with companies on cultural integration, corporate re-structuring, leadership and executive development, intra-preneurship, entrepreneurship, organizational development, employee and management development, executive coaching, executive selection and placement, as well as labor-management relations. For more information, you can contact Steve at 661•253•0286 or by email, steve@zubackcrc.com.

Nancy Croix, Senior Operations Administrator and Ellen Borowka, MA, Senior Analyst of Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC (LCS) with their organization constantly remain focused on their mission statement – “To bring effective insight to your organization”. They do this through the use of in-depth work style assessments to raise the hiring bar so companies select the right people to reduce hiring and management errors. LCS also has a full service consulting division that provides domestic and international interpersonal coaching, executive onboarding, leadership training, global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training, operational productivity improvement, 360s and employee surveys as well as a variety of workshops. LCS consultants have over 25 plus years of business and human behavioral consulting experience. Ellen is the co-author of the books, “Cracking the Personality Code” and “Cracking the Business Code”. To order the books, please visit www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.

Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth work style assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, career guidance & transition, conflict management, 360s, workshops, and executive & employee coaching. Other areas of expertise: Executive on boarding for success, leadership training for the 21st century, exploring global options for expanding your business, sales and customer service training and operational productivity improvement.